Best Friends, Worst Enemies by Thompson, Grace, Cohen and Barker

Typically, Michael Thompson (Best Friends, Worst Enemies: Understanding the Social Lives of Children), does a superb job providing real-life sketches of children in today’s culture. He is, in my opinion, an authentic source of insights into how kids think and what they are up to. Although he approaches his subject with a non-biblical paradigm, I strongly recommend him for a presentation of raw data which Christian’s often lack because of non-involvement or an extra-biblical naiveté. We will rightly disagree with some of his and his co-authors’ interpretations and conclusions; but we can profit greatly from their observations of children in contexts where we have not walked.

The particular strengths of this book are in five categories.

First, the exposure of the life of the socially marginalized child and the forces which marginalize him or her. Anyone who is seriously concerned about bullying ought to read the sections which present this issue in scenarios ranging from kindergarten taunting to collegiate hazing and beyond. What the reader will find especially amazing are Mr. Thompson’s discoveries as to why both children and adults justify such practices.

Second, the discussions concerning the development of friendships are enlightening.  In fact, I believe Michael Thompson, Catherine O’Neill Grace, Lawrence Cohen and Teresa Barker do an excellent, although unintentional, favor for any Bible student who wants to seriously pursue the dynamic of Philos (filov) love. I would strongly recommend that a student read C. S. Lewis’ section on Philos in The Four Loves both before and after reading Best Friends, Worst Enemies.

The drama of group dynamics is the third selling point for this book. Anyone working with groups of children or youths should inform themselves with the observations which unfold in Best Friends, Worst Enemies. The book provides valuable service in distinguishing between “normal” and serious relationship issues and challenges the reader to learn how to help young people negotiate those turbulent and adventuresome seas. It also sharpens awareness concerning the significant and unavoidable role of peer pressure in the lives of children and adults.

The fourth benefit of Best Friends, Worst Enemies lies in its appeal to and encouragement of parents. Again, although Thompson, Grace, Cohen and Barker do not come at the subject with a deliberate nod to biblical principles, they show a remarkable amount of God-given common grace in their ability to analyze cause-effect patterns and offer explainable solutions.

Finally, the effort of the authors to challenge educators to develop “moral schools” is a strength built on a weakness. That weakness has to do with the dilemma of trying to think “morally” in a secular context with no clearly defined moral base. Largely, Thompson, Grace, Cohen and Barker lean toward a conservative consensus. However, there is an unaddressed paradox as they accept the ambiguous paradigm of orientation. The value of their struggle lies in the way it surfaces ethical questions we ourselves may not have thought about as biblically as we should. We will, of course, disagree with some things they accept morally; but are we willing to challenge ourselves to develop a well-thought-out, gospel-driven ethic with regard to what we cannot accept?

Again, I highly favor adding this book, along with Thompson’s other book, Raising Cain, as a worthy read for anyone who is serious about representing Christ through an informed ministry to the next generation.