In understanding the seriousness of brotherly love and the role of
self-control and self-denial in that relationship, I have sought to underscore
its evocative character with the biblical friendship term kiss and the
biblical sense of vulnerability. These will help us grapple with the importance of the conscience of others when it comes to self-control.
There are at least six gut issues at play when someone buys into
your own or your church's profession of loving brotherhood in Christ. The
first is:
I believe you will not hurt me unnecessarily.
I say “unnecessarily” because, in fact, true love does hurt
sometimes. True love cannot be expected to have your back when you
choose to do wrong. It will give advice. It may even have to rebuke and take intervention measures; but when it does so it will have already demonstrated love in ways which
assure all concerned of its authenticity. All the friends concerned will have
developed a mutual bond of respect, especially in areas where
they differ in tastes and convictions. When a brother-friend is in need of
correction (or at least some serious questions), the first responder ought to be that person who has established that authenticity of friendship.
There are several words for confrontational responsibilities among
friends. The word for "admonish" (noutheteo) is a favorite. However, the most frequent word (parakletos) is not by its nature confrontational. It
describes the whole orb of friendship. It means to call someone to come beside us. It is
used of Jesus as our advocate, the Holy Spirit as our comforter and of us in our friendship. It evokes an imagery of coaching each
other as loyal comrades with permission to rebuke or comfort or motivate as a situation may demand. If this friendship must shoot at all, it shoots from the heart, not the hip.
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