Christmas 1955. I was ten years old. Recently I did the math. It isn't the first time I've done that sort of thing; but, as always, it finds me feeling belatedly grateful.
My grandmother, when the picture was taken, was the age I am now !!! My grandfather was five years younger.
Seven years earlier, Mom (already in the throes of the mental illness which would plague her for all but the last few years of her life) had broken up her marriage and moved back home. By 1955 my grandparents realized they would have the responsibility of being co-guardians (and often sole guardians) of a "child in their old age."
I did not appreciate that fact back then. At Christmas time it comes to mind when I think of John the Baptist. He was an only child raised by parents who should have been his grandparents. Yet, in a way, I did recognize the fact that the likelihood of losing them in death increased each passing year. That thought occurred often. What I did not appreciate is, perhaps, something that cannot be fully felt until one looks at a photo and does the math.
So, my gratitude was late. Too late. Now, the best I can do is to take my hat off at every opportunity to grandparents I know or meet who have been assigned that same task. And, I also celebrate grandparents who recognize they cannot assume that responsibility and actively seek the best place for their grandchild to find a healthy and happy home.
Being a grandparent and the guardian of a child is not an easy task. Being unable to involve themselves in many things an energized youngster hankers for can be depressing. I feel both as I try to interact with youth in our church but have to say, "no," to events where I am no longer able to keep up.
(Although, I must say, I did relatively well following a pack of teens on a huff-n-puff, power-walk, digital scavenger hunt through the Disney resorts the other night.)
Nor is it easy to maintain the balance of the wisdom of thinking "old" and the exuberant creativity of thinking "young."
If you are a grandparent with youngsters in your care, may God speak good things to you, through you and on your behalf. (That's long-hand for "God bless you.") Take heart. If the grandkids don't seem to appreciate what you're doing, don't harp about it. Mine didn't - which is another thing I never thanked them for. It's a safe guess that the time will come for them, as it has for me, to do the math. You may not be in earshot. If you know the Lord you'll find out eventually. In fact, your absence may be what really prods them to encourage others in ways they would not have thought of otherwise.
If you are a grandchild being raised by "old folks," write down the year when you will be their age and cut them some slack. In fact, if you found ways to make their load lighter by doing things that need to be done without needing to be asked, that might actually melt some of the years away. Oh...and one more thing. Perhaps the best thing. Sit down with them together and with each one separately from time to time and say those words that work a wonderful charm.
Tell me about the time...
(Even if they've told you a hundred times.)
What do you think...
(Even though you may already know.)
You know what I like about you?
(They should be sitting for that one
unless you've already made it a habit.)
Thank you, so much, for...
(They'll talk about that one together in bed at night.)
And, by the way, Grampa and Gramma. It doesn't hurt any for your grandkids to hear those things from you, too. Just sayin'.
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