Marriage is a commitment not to walk away; but what about
friendship?
Many have the stark memory of a friend who deliberately walked out
of their life? All of us have friendships which have faded with time and distance.
Outside of marriage, close-friends-forever cannot be a for-sure commitment.
“I’ll always be there for you,” is a promise which cannot be
guaranteed. Only Jesus can fulfill that one. Friends don’t own each other, they
launch each other, and that launching can result in losing touch.
Not all friendships are as close as they seem. Many are rooted in the
shallow soil of a single common interest. C. S. Lewis, in The Four Loves, points out that a genuine friendship, although separated
by space and time, will rekindle quickly when the friends meet.
Choices can come between friendships. A person may make a choice
to pursue sin. For conscience sake his friend cannot follow; but if he is
biblically wise, he can in good conscience demonstrate a focus on hoped-for restoration
which says, “If you ever want to re-think this I’ll be at your side in a heart-beat. Meanwhile, you are my neighbor and I can respect you as such.”
In cases where friends in a church must step away, I remain convinced of the
need to be on guard against a “business-meeting” mindset. Not all issues are analogous to flagrant incest. Most do not begin with the need for a hammer.
Real friendship cares long before the crisis. Absence of that friendship-trust makes
us oblivious to a friend’s need until someone says, “something should be done.”
The “something” may unfold as a rote process of “biblical discipline” outlined
in by-laws and carried out by the properly authorized personnel in such a way
that separation (which may truly be necessary) also turns off the porch light.
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