Five Reality Checks for the Blessing Place

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If you have a heart for the young man you take to The Blessing Place (and, I would assume you do or you wouldn’t be going there), you need to know your heart can get in the way of wisdom. In so doing you may mislead your friend and raise expectations which, when unfulfilled, can embitter him. Be alert, therefore, to this truth:

YOU CANNOT ALWAYS BE THERE FOR HIM !

So, don’t say you will be.

Help him understand your role in his life is to launch him, not to possess him. Jonathan came close to this mistake when he blessed David.

In our era where many young men have been deprived of a father figure or have had a father who reduced the role to an empty shell, your blessing can make you seem heroic in their sight. (Yes, you…heroic. Even if you don’t know a tennis field from a football court.)

Surely, it would be wonderful if you could become best buds forever; but there are five important reality checks.

First: You will not live forever.

Second: You will both move. Time, geography, and lifestyle priorities take their toll. 

Third: God actually has other people he intends to bring into his life to bless him and God has other people he intends to bring into your life to bless. This happens even on a father/son level. Each of our four boys has a list of other men who have built things into their life experience which I could never have done.

That suggests the fourth reality check: You are not all knowing, and all-gifted.

Fifth: You are capable of mistakes. I don’t suggest making any on purpose. (If you’re like me you won’t have to worry about that.) At The Blessing Place, you might want to forewarn them about your fallibility and encourage them to build a team of mentors. I am suspicious of men who give the impression of always having it all together. Their self-praise (to the glory of God, of course) can discourage people who already have a painful awareness of their own fallibility.  

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Bless for the Right Reason

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I believe the passing on of a blessing is the right thing to do. It is a part of an overall commitment to communicate God’s ways. Its spirit is found throughout Scripture, even between friends, even though it is not something which can be dissected, outlined and reduced to a set of one-size-fits-all steps.

Now, having said that, there is a caution to be understood. A blessing of this character must be done because it is a right thing to do and not as a means of manipulation. Young people with adults, like adults with salesmen, are suspicious; and young people with adults, like husbands and wives with each other, can resent efforts to change them. This moment must be a no-strings-attached moment for God to use as He sees fit. It is not something to hold over a person’s head with the typical “do you remember what I told you…”

Along the same line, it is not something to be done to put God in your debt. “I blessed my son, God; now make him shape up.” The moment we think something we have done obligates God to fulfill our agenda, be it ever so good, we enter the Twilight Zone of self-righteousness. 

I have a list of several young men who are not where I would have envisioned. I pray for them. I am sad. But, I do not see either them or God as having let me down. It is not about me. As for God, He may not be finished with them yet. He blessed Jacob twice: first when he was a scoundrel; second after a miserable fourteen years of unpleasant consequences of his scoundrelhood. The Blessing Place is not a place to own someone. It is a place to give them a memory of good words from a man who loved them. Period. 

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"It's Just A Hole" by Dave Coy

Dave Coy is the Assistant Director at the Central New York Baptist Youth Camp (BaYouCa) in Chenango County, NY. He can be found on Facebook.

Back in 2007 I wrote…

A few years ago I was on the beach in Florida with some friends and for some reason I decided to start digging a hole. No sandcastles or sculptures, just a hole! I had so much fun that it has become a normal tradition of mine when I go to a beach.

“Why do you enjoy digging holes so much?”

It’s a good question! There are a number of reasons as I think about it. I learn so much from digging a hole.

“What could you POSSIBLY learn from digging a hole?” 

Another good question! Where do I start?

First of all, digging a hole is a pretty mindless task. (No comments please!) So it keeps my hands occupied while I do some good, clear thinking. I’m able to sort through things going on in my life while I am digging.

It is also neat to see something start out so small and over time become so big. It just takes time. This last time I had a hole about four and a half feet deep! There is a sense of accomplishment there.

It is funny to watch people go by as I am digging. I would like to think that they are amazed at what a great hole I am digging, but most likely they are amazed at this strange guy digging a hole. But it never fails! It seems a young boy always finds his way over to my hole. One boy even jumped in and helped me! In the process of digging the hole we got to talk. I found out all about his family and their vacation; and how he’s never really been to church. It’s a great time to build a relationship!

Then there’s the physical exercise. Digging and pushing and pulling the sand is really great work for muscles.

And, finally, you finish! It’s amazing to see this HUGE hole in the middle of the beach, big enough to fit people in it!

But that’s not the end of the story. This last time that I dug a hole, my friends asked if they could fill it back in. What took me forty-five minutes to dig, they had filled back in within two minutes. You would never know there was even a hole there!

What a waste, right?

Only if you forget about everything that I just wrote about!! The people who walked by, the time to think, the physical exercise and the little boys’ lives I’ve been able to touch in some way. Who knows? Maybe there is a little ten-year-old somewhere digging a hole right now! So, what seems like no big deal, and even maybe a waste of time, can mean SO much and do so much in so many lives!

*   *   *

Now, seven years after I wrote those thoughts, we went on vacation in North Carolina, and our own boys helped me dig another hole. Jax was so excited to get to the beach and help me dig. It’s kind of a dumb legacy, but it reminds me that I want to leave both boys a real legacy as well.

[Editor’s note: I wonder if sometimes we leave the real legacies through our interactions with people during those times in our lives when we feel as though we’re just digging a hole – we sometimes call them “ruts”- that will be filled in and forgotten when we’re gone. Thank you, Dave, for reminding us. hhc]