The Greatest of These Is

[A Monday / Wednesday / Friday Devotional Feature of the First Road Blog]

First Corinthians 13 stands among frequently found texts at public occasions; and that would be alright if it had not become a cliché for immature and precarious sentiments about love. Misapplications of such statements as “bears all things,” “believes all things,” and “hopes all things,” have kept many an abused wife in a deplorable relationship and turned many parents into enablers of addicted children. Scripture warns against idealistic applications of love. It is my conviction that “The Great Love Chapter” is dedicated to “the Greatest Commandment,” and it has to do with the look of loving God with all our heart, mind, soul, and strength.

Paul begins with a contrast between love and popular concepts of spirituality. Care for the poor does not necessarily flow from love for God. Martyrs may be motivated by the hope of earning merit from a God they fear rather than love. When Paul pens his sixteen-fold ode he no longer speaks of “love.” He speaks of “the love.” The specificity demands that I ask, “What love?” And the answer cannot ignore what Scripture identifies as the love of the sovereign commandment.

When seen this way, the grand statements about “the love” pose some uncomfortable questions. Do you behave rudely toward God? Do you never entertain a notion that God has not been good to you? Do you patiently endure all things he allows your way? Do you really believe all he has revealed?

When we let those questions rise from the text, we look differently at what follows. Does love take a back seat to your loyalty to the latest prophetic theories? Is it blurred by perceived giftedness? Does it retreat behind a use of knowledge as a power base? A breakdown in love for God will either stifle or contaminate all other loves.

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Alfies, Take Note

Alfies, Take Note

“What’s it all about, Alfie?”

Burt Bacharach’s 1966 question posed six high-impact issues.

Is it just for the moment?

Is it for what we can get?

Are we meant to be kind?

Are kind people fools?

Is it about being cruel and strong?

What about the Golden Rule?

In response, he comes very close to the answer, but misses it because of cultural blinders.

Our culture rejects the presupposition that “love,” rises from a clearly articulated worldview declared by Jesus Christ in space-time history. Rather, it embraces a freewheeling idea of love as “kindness” which rises from a misunderstanding of the Golden Rule.

To do to others what we would want done to us requires a correctly informed self-awareness. This does not always correspond to our notion of “kind.” Few think it “kind” to be cornered in wrongdoing. In fact it’s considered “judgmental.” So, enabling someone in wrongdoing is thought to be the kind, loving thing to do.

The Golden Rule does not balance on this misconception of kindness. It assumes kindness based on rightness. Thus, confrontation, which may not seem “kind,” is the right thing to happen. Simply put, the Golden Rule means, “Do what is right to others, just as you would want them to do what is right to you.”

There are things which ought and ought not to be done. Authentic love works under that paradigm and requires both self control and self denial. Therefore, it is not surprising the same cluster on which the grape of self-control is found contains the grape of love, and they bookend all the others. When one shrivels both shrivel, and the full-cluster lifestyle of the Spirit’s fruit withers away while we bitterly wave a banner of indulgence or stoop beneath a back pack of man-made rules of righteousness.

May God use these thoughts on the Withered Grape

To speak good things to you, 

Through you,

And on your behalf. 

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You and Emmett at The Dead Salamander

You're not sure how to read Emmett as you reconnoiter outside The Dead Salamander. The last time you got together had been difficult. It had been one of those “We’ve got to talk,” meetings. That was when you explained that you realized what he had been doing at work and you were concerned. 

That afternoon he hung his head and sighed, “I’m sorry I disappointed you.” 

Your reply surprised both him and you.

“Emmett, you have not disappointed me. It’s not about me. I count it a privilege to have you as a friend and my life is richer because of it. Thank you.”

“You’re not disappointed?”

“Like I said, it’s not about me. Really, it’s about you; and because it’s about you I’m concerned. If you keep going in the direction you’re going you will bring damage into the lives of a lot of people and, you’re going to really hurt one of my best friends.”

“Who’s that?”

“You.” 

When he promised to think about what you said you hoped against hope he meant it. One thing that encouraged you was his last remark as you stood on the sidewalk outside the coffee shop.

“I would rather have had anybody other than you talk to me like you just did.”

“Why?”

“Because you love me. I know you do. And you really do respect me. You've been proud of me. I can’t say you’re a hypocrite.”

Now, a week later, he has asked for this meeting.

You get your coffees and sit down. He finally looks at you... and grins. 

“Guess what happened after we met? Jason, Jared and George showed up at my apartment with pizza and wings.”

You need to know that those fellows had been among Emmett’s closest friends since childhood. They knew what was going on; they loved him; and they talked.”

And he made some major changes.

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I Hope You Will Never Walk Away

Marriage is a commitment not to walk away; but what about friendship?

Many have the stark memory of a friend who deliberately walked out of their life? All of us have friendships which have faded with time and distance. Outside of marriage, close-friends-forever cannot be a for-sure commitment.

“I’ll always be there for you,” is a promise which cannot be guaranteed. Only Jesus can fulfill that one. Friends don’t own each other, they launch each other, and that launching can result in losing touch.

Not all friendships are as close as they seem. Many are rooted in the shallow soil of a single common interest. C. S. Lewis, in The Four Loves, points out that a genuine friendship, although separated by space and time, will rekindle quickly when the friends meet.

Choices can come between friendships. A person may make a choice to pursue sin. For conscience sake his friend cannot follow; but if he is biblically wise, he can in good conscience demonstrate a focus on hoped-for restoration which says, “If you ever want to re-think this I’ll be at your side in a heart-beat. Meanwhile, you are my neighbor and I can respect you as such.”

In cases where friends in a church must step away, I remain convinced of the need to be on guard against a “business-meeting” mindset. Not all issues are analogous to flagrant incest. Most do not begin with the need for a hammer. Real friendship cares long before the crisis. Absence of that friendship-trust makes us oblivious to a friend’s need until someone says, “something should be done.” The “something” may unfold as a rote process of “biblical discipline” outlined in by-laws and carried out by the properly authorized personnel in such a way that separation (which may truly be necessary) also turns off the porch light. 

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I Believe You Will Not Mislead Me

I believe you will not hurt me unnecessarily, and you will not own me.

Such is the character of friendship among those who trust Christ. For the person who is trusted, the self-control and self-denial implications are clear. This faith of friendship also says:

I believe you will not mislead me.

Well, of course not. We’re Christians. We’re about Truth. We would not mislead. Yet, many a conscience has been derailed by promoting some convictions (worthwhile or otherwise) as biblically revealed mandates.

Revealed mandates are express statements from Scripture which can be clearly understood with basic principles of language and context. They have to be manhandled in order to mean what they do not say.

There are, however, revealed statements which are understood differently because of presuppositions which affect interpretation. These differences are important enough for groups to form around them. The interpretation starting point of some of us leads us to understand that baptism is for believers and by immersion. Others agree with us on the Truth of the person and work of Jesus Christ but part of their interpretation starting point lets them practice baptism differently. Conscience cannot ignore the matter. Jesus’ commission to baptize is inescapable. So, as we gather with people with whom we agree, we must remember the biblical mandate concerning our attitudes toward all brothers in the faith. 

Then there are personal applications inferred from revealed mandates. We clearly are told to develop renewed minds. Some may infer from that the need to eliminate television, but they mislead if they press for a church policy or make removal of the television a prerequisite for friendship. On the other hand it is also misleading to infer that having a television is what freedom in grace is about. 

It is possible to cause a person's conscience to stumble by well-meaning misrepresentations of Scripture as well as by maliciously contradicting Scripture.

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I Believe You Will Not Own Me

The “kiss” of brotherly-love carries with it vulnerability to pain. Unspoken but very much present is the faith that says I believe you will not hurt me unnecessarily. It also carries with it the vulnerability of becoming imprisoned. Therefore, friendship faith says, I believe you will not own me.

This is a tricky one. The human heart longs to be owned; but there is a difference between this ownership and that of imprisonment. It is a belonging. Even in the marriage covenant where a man and woman can say they “belong” to each other, it is not in the sense of being each other's property. 

God alone can claim the right of ownership. He alone can authentically dedicate himself to developing us in ways that harmonize with how he has made us as individuals with our own story. Yes, his objective is for his glory; but his glory in a believer's life is seen in an ultimate outcome which will also be for our own good. Each of us will be a unique and delightful, sin free, reflection of Jesus Christ. This is why personal, immanent friendship can be attributed to the sovereign, transcendent God. Of all our friends, he is the one who qualifies as the friend who sticks closer than a brother. 

True friendships launch. Whether deep friendships for life or only for a certain period of time, God’s objective is for each friend to move the other forward in their walk with Him. Brotherly love, therefore, will not maneuver a friend into dependency or codependency. 

Churches as well as individuals must tread this path carefully or making disciples will become a matter of organizational control and advancement rather than individual growth in grace. 

Parents, also, must be careful. Fondness of being needed by their child can keep him or her bound to the nest to satisfy the "love language" of Dad and Mom. 

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I Believe You Will Not Hurt Me Unnecessarily

In understanding the seriousness of brotherly love and the role of self-control and self-denial in that relationship, I have sought to underscore its evocative character with the biblical friendship term kiss and the biblical sense of vulnerability. These will help us grapple with the importance of the conscience of others when it comes to self-control.

There are at least six gut issues at play when someone buys into your own or your church's profession of loving brotherhood in Christ. The first is:

I believe you will not hurt me unnecessarily.

I say “unnecessarily” because, in fact, true love does hurt sometimes. True love cannot be expected to have your back when you choose to do wrong. It will give advice. It may even have to rebuke and take intervention measures; but when it does so it will have already demonstrated love in ways which assure all concerned of its authenticity. All the friends concerned will have developed a mutual bond of respect, especially in areas where they differ in tastes and convictions. When a brother-friend is in need of correction (or at least some serious questions), the first responder ought to be that person who has established that authenticity of friendship.

There are several words for confrontational responsibilities among friends. The word for "admonish" (noutheteo) is a favorite. However, the most frequent word (parakletos) is not by its nature confrontational. It describes the whole orb of friendship.  It means to call someone to come beside us. It is used of Jesus as our advocate, the Holy Spirit as our comforter and of us in our friendship.  It evokes an imagery of coaching each other as loyal comrades with permission to rebuke or comfort or motivate as a situation may demand. If this friendship must shoot at all, it shoots from the heart, not the hip.

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Friendship Fields or Ambush Alley ?

In explaining authentic brotherly love, the first evocative word we examined was “kiss.” I hope I have given the understanding that the word has to do with a friendship of the soul. Related to this is a frightening sense of vulnerability. Unless these connections are made, the call to deny myself the “enjoyment” of some freedoms for my brother’s sake loses its punch.

When you assure someone they are your brother and they are on your radar as a loved friend, you are verbally committing to obey Jesus’ brotherly-love command in real time and not in theory. You are giving your brother the "kiss" of loyalty. You are telling him he can trust you.

He, now, must choose whether you can be trusted. If he is doubtful it should be because of struggles within himself, not because you have given him reason to think you would be harmful. 

Vulnerability exists in any level of friendship. Trust takes time to develop. We all start as strangers. In fact, even in our Christian walk, Jesus was a stranger when we first met. Having been saved once-for-allby faith in his Redeeming work on Calvary, we spend our days learning to trusthim in his Master/Friend relationship while also showing ourselves trustworthy. 

This vulnerability is viscerally serious.  It is, in fact, the hallmark of the “fellowship”of a local church. Therefore, it is important that you and your friend be confident you are offering and entering fields of authentic friendship, and not a dark alley cluttered with opportunities for ambush. To our shame, many an untrustworthy church has taken on the character a valley of the shadow of death; and many a battered soul bears the scars of a "friend's" betrayal.

There are at least six gut issues in this vulnerability.

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Brotherly Love Looks Like THAT ? !

When it comes to “love,” outside of the mistaken idea that it has something to do with sex, we tend to explicate rather than explain.

Explication has to do with saying something about a subject with little regard to whether it gets the point across to the audience. Explanation seeks to make the subject understandable in the working vocabulary and imagery of those who hear it. I agree with the probability that the Pharisees originated between the Testaments as explainers like Ezra. They would read from the word of the Law distinctly and give the sense. Over time they became impressed with their scholarship and lost contact with the “sinners” who were too ignorant to comprehend such privileged matters. In so doing they moved from being explainers to being explicators.

When explaining “love your brothers,” whether thinking of the friendship term (philos – friendship love) or the foundational term (agapé – unconditional love), one must give the sense with two evocative terms – “kiss” and “vulnerability.” 

My reference to “kiss” may surprise you. That’s not surprising. Most of us have been uncomfortable with or overly excited by the five commands to “greet one another with a holy kiss or a kiss of love.” 

No, I do not think we need to establish a Sunday School class on sanctified, interpersonal lip interfacing.

The New Testament word is philéma. It is part of the philos (friendship) word group. The kiss, for that culture, was a courtesy which, between friends, was supposed to carry an authentic expression of the trustworthiness of one’s friendship loyalty. Thus, betrayal by a kiss was a despicable act, even more contemptible than breaking an agreement made with a handshake used to be in our culture.

The kiss, therefore, puts before us the imagery of actions as well as words which convey to someone else that we actually and not just etymologically love them. The imagery takes on still greater force when we introduce the word “vulnerability.”

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